Hello,
I hope I am not too late in sending these comments,:
5. In all discussion spaces of gender and ICT .... I think should be
amended to read as follows:
In all discussion spaces on ICT policies the participation of womnen....
the former would not ensure the mainstreaming of gender
3. Fundamental issues, such as...gender justice-
would prefer the word gender equity
what do the otehrs think?
11. Traditional and newer...should be used in parallel
or should it be
Traditional and newer...should be used in combination...
the meanings are different
14. Community based...Peopel's equitable...
Suggestion
Men and women's equitable and affordable...
A few other minor corrections:
Participants invited...included...The event...provide a forum
17. ...in small islands under an endangered...
suggested in small islands in an environment endangered by hazards...
Leelangi
...
At 07:13 PM 1/30/03 +0900, you wrote:
>PatchA,
>
>Thanks. Comments below:
>
>>Dear All,
>>
>>Sorry my commens is late. Because of lots of works
>>(including info & outreach works).
>>I couldn't send my opinion. I hope this is not too late.
>>I have something different from Adam's opinion.
>>
>>I have not many information about the issue of children
>>and exploitation of children. But I think, it is important.
>>If possible, I'd like to add more contents about it in our final version.
>>
>>below is my different opinion from Adam's suggestions.
>>2. delete "and other stakeholders." govt. private sector and civil
>>society should be all, no more than us three.
>>
>>=> In my opinion, there may be stakeholders we missed.
>>And we need to consider them, I think.
>>I cannot understand Adam's opinion,
>>"govt. private sector and civil society should be all, no more than us
three"
>>Why no more?
>>
>>However, I cannot imagine concrete map of the other stakeholders, now.
>>If we need to change the sentence, I'd like to change it like the following,
>>rather than delete.
>>
>>"The information society should be regarded as a collaborative effort of
>>all the stakeholders including, civil society, government and private
sector."
>
>
>Excellent.
>
>
>>--------------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------
>>
>>13. Delete "never" and replace with not. Delete "any kind of".
>>This is too definite.
>>
>>=>The full sentence is below
>>
>>"Values of human rights, democracy and freedom of expression should
>>never be threatened by any kind of surveillance and censorship."
>>
>>It is difficult to understand why this expression is too definite.
>>Rather, I think this is clear attitude of civil societies
>>to the surveillance and censorship system.
>>Many asian civil societies already got many experiences of surveillance
>>and censorship system, and found out the danger of these systems.
>>
>>And I saw the expression, "any kind of" or "all forms of" etc. in other
>>civil society documents.
>
>
>I believe surveillance and censorship are sometime necessary. I think
>our society cannot function without them in some *limited* and
>*controlled* way (I don't want to get into an argument about my
>rights to make money from a "celebrity autopsy" videos, or whether or
>not surveillance of known terrorists is a good/bad thing, but I hope
>you see what I mean.)
>
>I also think there are more fundamental rights (freedom of
>expression, democracy, etc.) that need to be protected from excessive
>surveillance and censorship. So I was looking for a way of expressing
>that, and I think cutting "never" and replacing it with "not" helps,
>as does cutting "any kind of" (which is really just too vague.)
>
>Thanks,
>
>Adam
>
>
>>I hope to keep the original sentence.
>>If necessay, I think we can discuss it more.
>>
>>Thanks,
>>PatchA.
>
>
>--
>
>